‘I Must Have Been Crazy’

Madness seems to be an escape route for most. Why should one even listen to what someone so sick and perverted? Oh! Natural Justice!! Natural justice to someone who is so against nature. Makes me sick and want to puke. How is it possible for him to even try to justify what he has done? Even worse, the lawyer who chose to defend him. Sick, perverted men. The truth is getting scarier than fiction. I need some place to air my feelings and disgust. Not that its going to be better after this but, I do get a fake sense of satisfaction that I did something rather than just think, think and think some more about it. Even though I know that revenge is bitter, somehow I am all for 'Revenge'. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is kind of my moto. That old ****** does not even have enough life left for any of that. I don't know, I hope there is a God. I hope the 'karmic cycle' and 'karma' really exist.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/09/world/europe/09dungeon.html?ref=world

Random Thoughts and Confusions

Travelling is one of the best parts of being alive. I love to travel, just seeing places and the beauty in nature. So, thats not very confusing. What is confusing is that I am not sure what should be the differences between a man and a woman. Why is it not possible for people to look beyond the physical differences? I have never been able to comprehend that. I feel, the didiferences other than the physical ones are mostly those that are imbided by the upbringing. I hate the fact that most men think of women only as objects of desire. Hate it when women think of themselves as inferior to men. Very confused about life in general:).

Fickle mind

All the effort I take to stay away from philosophical topics are in vain. I cannot stop myslef from thinking about the fultile life I lead. Before typing this I did a google search on 'fickle mind' and this : http://www.gurbani.org/webart189.htm was the very first result that showed up. So, the nature of my mind separates me from God and my true self? Truly, I am foolish, stupid, masterless, fickle, powerless, lowly and ignorant.

To be, or not to be

I have never been able to fully understand the meaning of morals and ethics. Possibly because I have not tried to. My motto in life was never to hurt anyone, that is a failed motto now. Although, as far as I am concerened if you do not hurt anyone to the best of your abilities, morality and ethics just fall into place. I might be wrong.

I enjoy company and I like anyone and everyone I talk to. But before I talk to someone, the inate feeling for another fellow human being is disgust, anger or some other starnge feeling of dislike. I am trying hard to overcome this feeling and see others as equals and like everyone. Should try harder, I guess.

William Shakespeare - To be, or not to be (from Hamlet 3/1)To be, or not to be: that is the question:

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd."

My experiments with 'Wii'

Recently bought the Wii game console. I have never understood why people waste their time playing vidoe games and have never liked any virtual games. But Wii has made gaming so interactive that it almost feels real. Tennis was never my cup of tea, so didn't even bother with it. Golf and baseball was not very challenging, didnt like it much. Boxing was fun and I loved boxing in Wii a lot. The only issue was that I kept punching my opponent left and rightand when I paused to breath, it said 'now start' with a loud bell. I was so irritated that I have not gotten back to it, hence. I tried my luck with another Wii game, Medal of Honor. Enjoyed it in the arcade mode, but when I started it in the campaign mode it was horrible:(. I was just learning to walk and the enemies attacked me and killed me. After these bitter experiences, I have suspended my experiments for a while.

Passion

Instead of talking about things that trouble, I decided to write about some things that fascinates me. Some finer qualities in life like literature, art, poetry, dance, music etc. These are things that make life more beautiful and worth living. Personally, love travelling, dancing and reading more. I plan to write in detail on travelling at a later point. It is said that each of these forms of art is an ocean in itself and the more you learn the more humble you become. This knowledge of being but a small drop in the vast ocean is in itself a great acheivement. I guess, once that stage is reached there will be no pride, no jealousy and no other negative feeling.

http://www.literaturecollection.com/a/o_henry/226/ .

Melancholy

Why is it so difficult for me to have an ambition? How do people come up with goals? Is it so bad not to have an aim or ambition in life. These are but a few questions that I ask myself and I get no answer. I live a totally aimless life, live for the moment, live as I want. Thanks to my father, have always done whatever I want or feel. I have never wanted to be anything, do not understand why and how people have strange ambitions of becoming famous, making money and whatever other ambitions people have. My grandmother tells me that I think like this because I have never felt the need for anything. Never felt poverty, never stayed hungry, always had a roof over my head. May be corrrect but since my mind can afford to think and question I ask again. Why do people have ambitions that limit them to this lifetime? When death is certain, why is that the time we have, spent on making this life beautiful? Why is that there is so much violence, animosity? Why is there war? Why is that people think in terms of their life, their family, their counttry? Why such narrow mind sets? I ask to none but myself. And the more I ask, the more tangled my mind gets.

Life...O'Life!

I have been pondering on the purpose of life. I have not abandoned the present life in search of it like Buddha and other great saints. I half-heartedly read through the first few chapters of 'Bhagavat Gita' in such an attempt. I could not go past the third chapter as I felt a little scared to accept the facts. When I discussed or rather, attempted such a discussion with my friend, he said: "life is full of humour... angane kandaal pore?? veruthe philosophy paranju life ine bore adippikkathe...". It was a very easy and simple suggestion to follow. Although I accept what he said, there are times when I feel an urge to pursue the challenge of finding the purpose of life. Trying consciously to divert my attention to some place else and carry on with the monotonous day to day life.