Sometimes I delve into the spiritual/philosophical realm only to find myself lost and at the edge of a catastrophic, depressive state of mind. It took me weeks to recover from the last bout of such a state. While in such a state, the notion that every human being is unique seemed fallacious. Life in general seemed pretentious, insignificant, and false. It took me quite a while to 'unthink' such malicious, self- destructive thoughts. For the first time in my life, I had to struggle to focus on the positives, struggle to keep myself happy and appreciate the power of the mind. Was this what being an adult involves?
I feel that I could go and on about how that made me feel. People around me don't like to hear about such thoughts and feelings. It makes them queasy and makes you repulsive. The insignificance of life is not something that anyone wants to hear about. Everyone wants to think that they are special and unique.
I recently had the misfortune to kill a rat family that had made our garage their home. While in the act of killing those rats, I thought if those rats thought that they were unique. Were they capable of a thought process as my own. By the way, the act of killing the rats was not at all a spontaneous act, it was quite a premeditated ordeal. I had researched (read googled) on how to kill rats the least painful way. For me suffering and pain are more dreadful than death itself. The uncertainty that death holds is quite appalling to me, Well, the thing that is certain about death is that there will be no more life as I know now. I have not yet completely recovered from the trauma of killing those rats but it made me understand the power of perception, If I think that the rats are pests and think of them that way, I could just about be at peace with myself. Well, that has put me in another precarious thought process. Being an adult is what I blame for such thoughts and experiences.
I feel that I could go and on about how that made me feel. People around me don't like to hear about such thoughts and feelings. It makes them queasy and makes you repulsive. The insignificance of life is not something that anyone wants to hear about. Everyone wants to think that they are special and unique.
I recently had the misfortune to kill a rat family that had made our garage their home. While in the act of killing those rats, I thought if those rats thought that they were unique. Were they capable of a thought process as my own. By the way, the act of killing the rats was not at all a spontaneous act, it was quite a premeditated ordeal. I had researched (read googled) on how to kill rats the least painful way. For me suffering and pain are more dreadful than death itself. The uncertainty that death holds is quite appalling to me, Well, the thing that is certain about death is that there will be no more life as I know now. I have not yet completely recovered from the trauma of killing those rats but it made me understand the power of perception, If I think that the rats are pests and think of them that way, I could just about be at peace with myself. Well, that has put me in another precarious thought process. Being an adult is what I blame for such thoughts and experiences.
